(Holy Family 1997 (C): This homily was given on December 28, 1997 at St. Pius X Church, Westerly, R.I. by Fr. Raymond Suriani. Read Sirach 3: 2-6, 12-14; Colossians 3: 12-21; Luke 2: 41-52.)

"How do you spell ‘family’?"

Here's how the word family is spelled by many people in the modern world: small 'f'; small 'a'; small 'm'; BIG, HUGE, GIANT, ENORMOUS, GARGANTUAN 'I'; small 'l'; and a very, very, very small 'y' (which stands for 'you'). And here we see illustrated one of the most pervasive problems of modern family life: all too often the 'I' dominates; the ego reigns supreme. I don't think it's a coincidence that in the word family there are three letters before and two letters after the 'I'. Because for all of us the constant temptation is to think that 'I' am the center of the family--everyone else exist to make me happy; everyone else is there to serve me. For example: my nephews are now seven and five years old. For the most part, they are good little boys. But not always. And when one of them does get in trouble it's almost always because he thinks that his 'I' is the most important 'I' in the family. "I want this toy even though I've got a hundred toys already." "I want to go out and play even though it's late." "I want my way and I hope you agree so we don't have World War III." Why do my nephews sometimes behave in this manner? For the same reason that we ALL sometimes behave in this manner: because we're weak human beings tainted by original sin.

Which brings us to this morning's Scripture passages. Notice that one of the clear themes in each of first two readings is the theme of selflessness. That is not a coincidence! On this Feast of the Holy Family, when we are encouraged to reflect on the condition of our own family, the Holy Spirit challenges us to be selfless in our dealings with one another. For example, in our first reading from Sirach 3 it says, "My son, take care of your father when he is old; grieve him not as long as he lives. Even if his mind fail, be considerate with him." In other words, in your relationship with your parents, don't only think of yourself. Be there for those who have been there for you. A couple of weeks ago I met a lovely woman in one of the local nursing homes. I could tell that she really wanted to talk, so I spent some time with her. During the course of our conversation she told me that she rarely sees anyone from her immediate family. They almost never come to visit. Apparently, they're just too busy. That's the type of selfishness that Sirach is pleading with us to overcome.

And then we have this very powerful text from Colossians 3. Now, let’s face it-- this is definitely not a Scripture passage that you’ll enjoy hearing if you've just had a dispute with another family member, even though you certainly need to hear it. Paul says, "Clothe yourselves with mercy"-- "Mercy? After what she did to me!" "Clothe yourselves with patience."-- "Patience? I've been patient enough!" "Bear with one another."-- "Bear with him? Why, I'd like to feed him to a bear." "Forgive whatever grievances you have against one another."-- "Forgive? Why? So she can do the same thing to me tomorrow?"

Now, lest we think that the Holy Family was exempt from dealing with the difficult and stressful situations of family life, let's consider today's gospel. If any one of you has ever lost a child in a supermarket or at the mall or someplace else--even if it was only for a couple of minutes--you will certainly agree that for Mary and Joseph, this must have been an agonizing, frightening event.

It all takes place when Jesus is twelve years old. Mary, Joseph and our Lord go to Jerusalem for the most important religious feast of the year, the Feast of Passover. Now Jerusalem at the time of Passover was like the shopping malls on the day before Christmas: full of people and wild with activity. So it was very easy to get lost in the crowd. Furthermore, the Holy Family traveled in a caravan, and it was the custom in a caravan for the women to leave before the men, since they traveled more slowly. So Mary probably thought that Jesus was back with Joseph, and Joseph probably thought that Jesus was up ahead with Mary.

But what I find most interesting about this scene is the encounter between our Lord and his parents in the Temple. After she and Joseph find Jesus, Mary says, "Son, why have you done this to us? You see that your father and I have been searching for you in sorrow." [Jesus] responds, "Why did you search for me? Did you not know I had to be in my Father's house?" Do you notice something missing from this exchange? I do--anger. There's no anger in Mary's question; there's no anger in Jesus' answer. And also notice: after Jesus says "I had to be in my Father's house," the conversation ends. There's no record of anything else being said. I think there's a reason for that: Even though Mary and Joseph didn't fully understand our Lord's response, it was enough for them to know that Jesus was serving the heavenly Father. He did what he did to serve God the Father, and that was a sufficient explanation for Mary and Joseph. Why was it sufficient? Because they had the very same desire in their hearts! Their lives were also centered on serving the Lord. And so a scene, which could have been very ugly, wasn't. The harmony of the Holy Family was not disrupted, although it very easily could have been.

And here's where we see the application to our families. The three members of the Holy Family shared a common commitment to God, and that's why they had peace and harmony in their relationships. Their lives were centered on God and on doing the Lord's will. They weren't busy doing "their own things." Each was not expecting the other members of the family to serve them. They had a common center to their lives, and everything else revolved around that common focus. In today's families, unfortunately, God is not usually the common focal point. Dad's life may be centered around work, mom's may be as well; one child's life may be centered on sports; another child's life may be centered on music; another child's life may be centered on something else. That is definitely not the formula for peace in a household. It’s the formula for alienation and confusion. So today we all need to ask ourselves: What really is the center of my life? And if it’s not the Lord Jesus Christ, then we need to make a change--for the sake of our family.