(Fourth Sunday of the Year (C): This homily was given on February 1, 1998 at St. Pius X Church, Westerly, R.I. by Fr. Raymond Suriani. Read 1 Corinthians 13: 1-13.)

"Pizza love and real love."

I’d like to begin my homily today by recommending a book: it’s by Mary Beth Bonacci, and it’s called Real Love. Mary Beth is a young woman who goes all over the country (and all over the world) speaking to teenagers about subjects like dating, marriage and sex. Consequently, she has no problem keeping their attention! Nobody ever finds a Mary Beth Bonacci talk boring! Many of our young people heard her last summer at the Steubenville Youth Conference at LaSalette Shrine.

Mary Beth is effective in ministering to young people for three reasons: because she’s honest, because she’s clear, and because she accepts and promotes the moral teachings of the Church without compromise. That’s her formula—and it works! In this particular book that I’m recommending, Mary Beth answers many of the tough questions that teens have asked her over the years about love and relationships. If you are a teenager, or the parent of a teen, I urge you to invest in this book and read it. It will definitely be money (and time) well-spent. (And by the way—this is a free endorsement. I am not being compensated for doing this—unfortunately.)

I thought of this book when I was reflecting on today’s second reading—that beautiful passage on love from 1 Corinthians 13. Mary Beth’s book is about real love, and so is this Scripture text. In fact, the very first question she addresses in the opening chapter is this one: What are some of the characteristics of [real] love? Let me now read to you part of her response, because all of us (not only teenagers) can relate to what she says here:

[The] next time someone looks deeply in your eyes and says, "I love you", look very deeply right back and say, "Would that be pizza love, or the real thing?"

In a country where thousands (if not millions) of pizzas are consumed every day, it would be hard to think of a more appropriate image for the kind of "love" that is plaguing our society at the present time. There was a song out many years ago that had the line in it: "What the world needs now, is love, sweet love." That’s true. But it’s real love that the world needs, not pizza love. Pizza love is selfish, self-centered, manipulative and de-humanizing--because it treats human persons as objects, as things. This, by the way, is why it angers me that so many people are now saying, "It doesn’t matter if the president and a White House intern had an affair. That’s not a problem." Putting the politics aside for a moment—what kind of message is a statement like that giving to the people of our nation? What kind of message is a statement like that giving to our impressionable young people? In effect, it’s saying to them, "Pizza love is okay." It’s saying to them, "If you’re in a position of power, then it’s perfectly acceptable to treat a woman as an object for your enjoyment." It’s saying to them, "If you want to get ahead in this society, then it’s perfectly acceptable to go after another woman’s husband and use him in order to advance yourself professionally."

Pizza love is terribly destructive. It ruins friendships. It ruins marriages. It ruins families. That’s because it’s rooted in pure selfishness. It says to another human person: "You exist for me." Now that’s exactly the opposite of what Jesus Christ said in Matthew 20: "The Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for the many." This means that the opposite of pizza love is what might be called "Jesus love"—which is precisely the kind of love that St. Paul is describing in 1 Corinthians 13. This is the kind of love that’s needed in marriages if they’re to remain strong. This is the kind of love that’s needed in every human friendship. This is the kind of love that keeps a family together in good times and in bad. Why? Because it’s not an emotional, selfish love—it’s a self-sacrificial, selfless love. Charlie Osburn has said that "Real love is not an emotion, it’s a decision." It’s a decision to sacrifice my own desires and to treat someone as God would have me treat them. Look at what St. Paul says here—it would not change the meaning of the text one bit if you actually inserted the word "decision" at the appropriate place in each phrase: "Love is a decision to be patient; love is a decision to be kind. Love is a decision not to be jealous; it’s a decision not to put on airs, it’s a decision not to be snobbish. Love is a decision never to be rude; it’s a decision not to be self-seeking, it’s a decision not to be prone to anger; it’s a decision not to brood over injuries. Love is a decision not to rejoice in what is wrong, but to rejoice in the truth. Love is a decision to bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, endure all things."

This is the kind of love that Jesus Christ had for us. It’s the love that led him to the sacrifice of the Cross: "Greater love than this nobody has, than to lay down his life for his friends." And this is the kind of love that he commands us to have for one another: "Love one another as I have loved you."

Now let’s face it: this kind of love is difficult to show at times; but making the effort to do so is essential, because this is the only kind of love that lasts. And it’s really the kind of love that everybody is looking for, deep down inside. Nobody wants to be loved with pizza love.

In his address to the young people of Cuba last week, Pope John Paul II said this, referring to 1 Corinthians 13:

"Genuine love, to which the Apostle Paul devoted a hymn in his First Letter to the Corinthians, is demanding. But its beauty lies precisely in the demands it makes. Only those able to make demands on themselves in the name of love can then demand love from others. Young people of today need to discover this love, because it is the true and solid foundation of the family. Forcefully reject any of its false substitutes, such as "free love." How many families have been destroyed because of this! Never forget that blindly following the impulse of our emotions often means becoming a slave to our passions."