"The War Inside Thomas; the War Inside Us."

The title of this homily is "The War Inside Thomas."

Traditionally, we refer to Thomas as "the Doubter," but I'm convinced there was a part of him that really wanted to believe from the very beginning! After all, he had invested 3 years of his life following Jesus! Besides, Jesus had explicitly told him and the other apostles at Caesarea Philippi that he was the Messiah. And three times he told them he would rise from the dead. So there must have been a little voice inside of him that was saying, "Thomas, wouldn't it be great if it were true?! Wouldn't it be great if your friends are right?! It would mean that you made the right choice three years ago when you left everything behind to follow this rabbi! And it would make all the sorrow and suffering you've experienced during the past week worth it!"

That was the voice of faith speaking in Thomas' mind and heart. But, unfortunately, there was another voice inside of him that was in competition with the voice of faith--and that was the voice of fear. And so you could say that faith and fear were having a battle--and Thomas' mind and heart formed the battleground!

From what St. John tells us in this text, it's clear that--at the very least--fear was saying to Thomas: "What are you, crazy? How can you possibly believe these distraught friends of yours? Sure, they think they saw Jesus alive, but maybe it was just a mass hallucination! You need to check it out for yourself. You need to get visible proof that he really did rise from the dead. Don't be so foolish as to take their word for it." That was the basic fear that led Thomas to doubt: the fear of being wrong; the fear of believing something that wasn't true.

But I would say that there were probably several other fears that were feeding into that main one--and those were the fears that were causing faith to lose the battle in his mind and heart.

For example, there might have been another voice inside of him that was saying, "What will others think of you, Thomas, if you say you believe in the Resurrection? What will your family think? What will your childhood friends think? Face it, Thomas, if you tell them you believe that this crucified preacher is alive again they'll probably laugh you out of town! They'll say you've lost your mind!"

Perhaps there was also another voice within that was saying, "And what will this mean for your future, Thomas? If you become known as a follower of this dead rabbi, you'll ruin your life! You've always been known as a rational, reasonable, logical person. People respect you for that, Thomas. If you embrace this faith that your friends have, no one will want anything to do with you. No one will give you a job. You won't be able to support yourself. You'll have no future."

And then there may have been this voice--the scariest of all: "Thomas, think about it. They killed Jesus for claiming that he was equal to the Father. What do you think they'll do to you if you start going around claiming that he's risen from the dead and that he was who he said he was?! And besides that--your friends claim that Jesus gave them authority last Sunday to forgive sins in his name! That's one of the things that got Jesus into trouble in the first place: claiming to be able to forgive sins! What will they do to you if you start making the claim that by his power you can do the very same thing?!"

Now I'm sure that when these fears welled up in Thomas' mind and heart, faith desperately tried to overcome them by reminding Thomas of the things that Jesus had said during his ministry: "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Have faith in God and faith in me." (John 14:1) "Do not worry about your livelihood, what you are to eat or drink or use for clothing." (Matthew 6:25) "[Yes] you will suffer in the world. But take courage! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33) But, unfortunately, the voices of those fears were much stronger than the voice of faith, and so they won the battle--until Jesus finally appeared to him on the Sunday after Easter and dispelled his doubts.

We gather here today and we boldly proclaim our faith in the Resurrection of Jesus Christ. We will do that explicitly in the Nicene Creed in a few moments. So, in that respect, we are unlike "Doubting Thomas." But, in another respect, we are all just like him, because the fears that were at the root of his doubt are the very same fears that we must battle in our lives. For example, the fear of what other people will think of us if we really live our faith. We face that fear, just like Thomas did. "Why, if I really live my Catholic faith, others may call me a radical, narrow-minded, bigoted, right-wing, ultra-conservative fanatic! And I don't want that to happen!" Some people, unfortunately, have only a superficial relationship with Christ because that fear wins the battle inside them.

Or what about the fear of the future or the unknown? "What will happen to me if I try to live the Gospel at work or at school? Maybe if I'm too honest someone will take advantage of me; maybe I won't make as much money as I do now. Will I lose my friends if I let them know that I'm taking my faith seriously? Will I have a happy life if I'm radically committed to Christ and the Church?"

And then there's the fear of suffering. That was very real for Thomas, and it can be just as real for us. "What will they do to me if I let them know at work or at school that I believe everything the Catholic Church teaches about faith and morals? What will they do to me if I tell them that I'm pro-life? I might miss out on that promotion. I might be laughed at. I might not be accepted in my old circle of friends."